January 1, 1895 Tuesday
New Year's Day. Studied all day hard. Not-withstanding was sick. Marvin and I had a little chat.
January 2, 1895
Studied all day. Very cold. Didn't go to p.m.
January 3, 1895
Studied most all day.
January 4, 1895
Feeling considerably better. Studied nearly all day. We had quite a lively time after supper.
January 5, 1895
Helped about the house. No news. Wrote to Abb.
January 6, 1895
Went to S.S. Was not at all well. Went for Dr. Simpson at 11 o'clock.. Mrs. Allie Bethune and Marvin called in the eve. Rube Knight called , also awhile. Marvin and all of us looked at pictures until 9 o'clock when we retired. Oh, how the lightening flashed.
January 7, 1895
Tried to go to school. Went in the afternoon. There was little Jim Riley, one of my pupils. I didn't get along so well at school. Oh, how cold, how it rained. How sad I felt (no Mr. Killian there and no Mattie Rogers or D.C. or Abb or Beulah) all was changed.. No one to desk with me at all. How sad I feel about it.
January 8, 1895
Went back to school. No news. Chatted with Jim awhile.
January 9, 1895
To school. No news. Lydia called.
January 10, 1895
To school. Studied until 9. No news at all - got a letter from Abb.
January 11, 1895
To school. No mail. How sad I feel about it.
January 12, 1895
Helped about the house. Went over to Lydia's awhile. Yes, spent the night with Beulah. Cousin Marvin went part of the way with me. Went to Lula's awhile, too.
January 13, 1895
Went to church in the eve. Studied some. Ora and Will Griswold called awhile.
January 14, 1895
Went to school. Got along nicely.
January 15, 1895
Went to school. Studied hard.
January 16, 1895
Back to S. Went to p.m. at night. Studied awhile.
January 17, 1895
To school. No news Papa is quite sick. I'm better. Went to a social at Beulah's.
January 17, 1895 (This was the date she had in the diary)
Didn't go to school. Washed and wrote a letter to Abb. Beulah and Pink Moore called. No mail.
January 18, 1895
Cloudy and raining. Mailed Abb's letter. Ironed some. Went to Mrs. Simpson's and Campbell's. Papa is no better.
January 20, 1895 Sunday
Cold and cloudy. How sad I feel today. It seems that this is the saddest day to me. I fear Papa never will get well. Stayed at home nearly all day. Mrs. Riley and Mr. Riley called. Lula came over and we went walking but oh, how sad I feel. I cried nearly all day because Papa was so sick.
January 21, 1895
Went to school. Papa is no better. Got along only tolerably well. Cold and cloudy.
January 31, 1895 Thursday
The greatest consolation I hear is he said "I am willing and ready to go" He said "glory, glory" twice before he died. Helped about the house affairs with a broken, bleeding heart. Received words of condolence but nothing drives away the thought of this living father. They dressed him nicely. Went over to Mrs. Simpson's to sleep tonight, though I'm tired, sleepy and heart broken.
February 1, 1895
Came home early. Helped about breakfast, got ready and went to the burying. How hard! Miss Beulah and I went in the buggy. We laid him to rest in Central graveyard.
February 4, 1895
Sky was clear and blue awhile. Went to school. Began teaching today. Got along very well. How lonely I feel. Studied hard.
February 5, 1895
Back to school.. Went over to Beulah's in the afternoon after school.
February 6, 1895
Just one week ago Papa was with us until 7:45. We went to prayer meeting. They called on me to lead in prayers which I did. Studied awhile before retiring, thinking of that loving Papa.
February 7, 1895
Went to school. Got a letter from Abb. Very sweet and nice.
February 8, 1895
Back to school, got along well but no Papa to encourage me. Got a letter from Mattie Rogers.
February 9, 1895
Cold and cloudy. Lydia called. Ironed and then sat around and talked to Marvin.
February 10, 1895
Stayed at home all day. Some of the boys called. No news at all. Oh, how cold it is and how sad and lonely it is.
February 14, 1895
It's Valentines day. Marvin went home this morning. We were very lonely awhile. Did not go to the Valentine's party at Beulah's. Got a letter from Alma Butler. Mary Knight called awhile. Lula spent the night with me.
February 15, 1895
Washed some and cleaned up the house. Got a sweet letter from Uncle Jordon and Vira. How sweet that letter was from Vira. She tried to console me in our grief. Wrote to Laura Colson. Sad and lonely. I led in prayers.
February 16, 1895
Ironed, scoured some in the forenoon. I n the afternoon Mattie Smith called. We had a pleasant chat. No news today. No mail.
February 17, 1895
Very sad and lonely. Went to church at 11 o'clock. In the afternoon Sister Colson called. I went a piece of the way home with them. Went over to Lydia's awhile, then came home and ate supper. Lula Andrews and Mattie Smith called. Marvin came home about 8 o'clock. We had quite a lively time for awhile. I gave Marvin his Valentine and received letters from Mamie Lee and Tom by Marvin.
February 24, 1895
Stayed at home all day. Very lonely indeed. Lula called in the eve and we went walking. I felt very lonely though. Did have a time. Marvin came in my room and tried to cheer me, but no. Wrote to Abb.
February 25, 1895
Back to school. Wrote to Uncle Jordon about the horse after supper.
February 26, 1895
Went to school. No news at all. We always have a lively time after supper.
February 27, 1895
Back to school. Marvin got left this eve. Sent a card to Alma Rogers and response "no". Very beautiful eve. The sun looked so beautiful as it slowly disappeared below the horizon.
February 28, 1895
Went to school Very pleasant day. Got along nicely. Wrote to Vira. Got a letter from Norman.
March 1, 1895
Went to school. Bro. Ebbie's birthday - age 17. In the eve received a letter from cousin Norman Henly. How sweet and consoling that letter was. Also got a short note from Aunt Laura saying for Marvin to get on that horse and come home. Oh, how sad that makes me feel for tis actually a case of necessity for me to write for them to take the horse back. I could not force back the tears for I tried to write as nice a letter as I could and what a short reply. It pierced my broken heart till I felt as though I wished I only could be with Papa in Heaven. But no, I must endure it all. Marvin made a fire in my room. I talked it over with him. I hated so much to see him leave but the best of friends must part.
March 2, 1895
Marvin awoke early and left for home. I did feel so lonely and sad. Went over to Beulah's awhile. Came home. Washed, starched and ironed. Very beautiful day but very cold. How I miss Marvin.
March 3, 1895
We organized our S.S. in the afternoon. How lonely it seems to me. Had several callers in the eve.
March 4, 1895
Went back to school. Marvin did not come back. My time as a teacher here expired. Got ready to go to Hamburg. Went to Minnie Courson's and Beulah's. Got a letter from Cora Thompson.
March 5, 1895
Mr. Duncan went to Hamburg with me. Took dinner at Mrs. Allie Bethune's. Did not see Abb today. We got home before night. Did not meet Marvin as I expected either.
March 6, 1895
Did not go to school. Worked around the house and went to p.m. After tea (?) Wrote to Mr. Abb.
March 7, 1895
Lovely day. Mailed my letter to Abb. Went calling in the afternoon.
March 8, 1895
Stayed at home in the forenoon. Lula came over and we went to Mrs. Knight's awhile in the afternoon. We came back by Mr. Linder's store and there met Marvin. He had come while I was gone. I came on home. He did not come in until late. I went over to Lula's a few moments. Then, Eb called on Alma Rogers. I did not retire until after 12 for they were late returning and then we talked quite awhile. Wrote to Mamie Lee and Tom while they were gone.
March 9, 1895
Talked to Marvin until 9 a.m. Then he bid us farewell, perhaps forever. I hated to see him leave. This could not be helped.
March 10, 1895
Went to S. S. In the eve, then Willie Harbison and Lydia Moore, Stancy Moore and Beulah Duncan, Gus Griswold and myself went walking. Had a delightful time. Gus stayed until 8 p.m. Wrote to Norman.
March 11, 1895
Went back to school again. No news.
March 12, 1895
Back to school until 9 when I took a hard chill and came home. Dr. called. Lydia called. Beautiful day.
March 13, 1895
Did not go to school. No news. Several callers in the eve.
March 14, 1895
Went back to school in the eve. Expected a letter from Abb, was disappointed.
March 15, 1895
Back to school. Nothing of importance today.
March 16, 1895
Helped about the household affairs. No letters this eve.
March 17, 1895
Mrs. Riley called and Lydia went to church in the forenoon and S.S. in the afternoon. Mrs. Griswold and Wilcoxin called. Called on Mrs. Hawkins. Late, Jim Campbell called and stayed until 7 p.m. He told my fortune partly. Retired at 9.
March 18, 1895
Went to school. In the eve went over to Beulah's to study. No letters yet.
March 19, 1895
Back to school and over to Beulah's in the eve to study with her. Met Mr. Lloyd, our old friend.
March 21, 1895
Did not go to school. Mama is sick. Wrote to Abb and mailed it today.
March 22, 1895
Beulah and I went to Snyder to get my school warrant cashed. Got home at 1 p.m. Sister Colson called. I slept most of the eve.
March 23, 1895
Helped around house. Received letter from Lorna Colson. Lydia and Lula called. Mailed letters to Tom and Marvin.
March 24, 1895
Went to S. S. In the afternoon. Then Lula came over and she, sister Em and I went out walking. Came back by Miss Beulah Duncan's. Lydia came over and we had some nice music while there. In the eve Lula came back and we went back to Beulah's to singing conducted by Bro. Colson. While there received a card from, Stancy Moore so he escorted me home from the singing - so ended the day's enjoyments. Prayers and to sleep.
March 25, 1895
Went to school. In the afternoon after school received a nice letter from Mr. Abner, also some examination questions. He is so kind. He surely shall reap his rewards in good deeds of kindness. The nicest letter I have ever received from him.
March 26, 1895
Went to school as usual. Got along very well. Studied until very late and read Abb's letter over again. He flattered me some in this letter. He has just been examined and obtained 2nd grade certificate.
March 27, 1895
Mama's birthday. She is 42. Back to school. Came home at recess in the afternoon, was real sick awhile but went to prayer meeting and lead in singing. Mrs. Duncan called. How said and lonely
March 28, 1895
Went back to school. In the afternoon after school went to Beulah's awhile. Came back by the store but no letters yet. Studied until 10 o'clock.
March 29, 1895
We were awakened at 2 o'clock this morn by the alarm of fire. Mr. Charlie Knights residence burned. It was a sad occurrence. The whole town was illuminated for an hour. It was awful to see the angry flames consume all of their household goods but no one could help it. Went to school until noon. In the afternoon had several callers. Got a letter from sweet Mattie Rogers which did me so much good. I sit late writing an answer…….
March 30, 1895
Helped about the household affairs all day and now this afternoon finds me tired. I am expecting a letter from Abner this eve as he said not write until he wrote again. Very cloudy and warm. It makes me feel sad at heart. Everything is so still and quiet. Mama has been quite sick today. Wrote a note to Mrs. John……. While I sit here and wonder I think what or who shall ever read this diary. I pity the one for tis done so hurriedly . Hope the one who peruses the pages of this diary will never feel as sad and lonely as I have since Papa died. Pity the child.
April 9, 1895
Back to school. Got a letter from Vira.
April 10, 1895
Went to school and to p.m. in the eve. Went over to Beulah's and had a sweet old chat with her and how she cheered me.
April 11, 1895
Back to school. Nothing new. No letters from Abner yet.
April 12, 1895
Did not go to school but scoured, washed and ironed. In the eve Lydia came and we trimmed my new dress and gathered some flowers for the church. Our J.M. began tonight, went to church. Bro. Moore delivered a splendid sermon.
April 13, 1895
Prepared for church. Mollie Courson came by so we went to church at 11 a.m. Bro. Rhodes preached today. Ethel and Mary Casion came home with us for dinner. Cooked awhile in the afternoon. Mrs. Simpson called. Went over to Lydia's and Mrs. Linder's awhile then later Ethel and I went to Beulah's awhile after some flowers. We went to church. Had a jolly time. Ethel came back with me. How lonely I feel tonight.
April 14, 1895
Went to church at 11 a.m. expected to see Abner there but was disappointed sadly. No company for dinner except two children. Went to S.S. in the afternoon. Bro. Moore lectured the little folks. After S.S. Went to B's with the girls to practice our music for the Society tonight. Went to Mrs. Simpson's awhile to get my piece. Went to church. After our Society met, Bro. Moore lectured the Society. I read a piece. The church was crowded. How embarrassed I was. Mr. Gus Griswold was my escort to church. Ethel spent the night with me.
April 15, 1895
Beautiful day. Went to school. Had very good lessons.
April 16, 1895
Back to school. Nothing new.
April 17, 1895
To school. Wrote to Mattie R. Went to p.m.
April 18, 1895
Back to school. Went over to Beulah's after school. Had a chat with her. Wrote a note to Abner thanking him for the questions he sent as he has not written in a month from Monday. Wonder if I shall regret sending this note. Prayers and off to rest.
April 19, 1895
Went to school in the afternoon. In the eve Mrs. Wheat called. Worked some in the yard.
April 20, 1895
Helped in the household affairs. Beulah and Lydia called.
April 21, 1895
Went to S.S. in the afternoon. Very lovely. The sky was clear and blue. Reflecting in the twilight of the past. Oh, for a closer walk with God and sweet father.
April 22, 1895
Went to school. Cloudy and thundering. In the eve at last a letter came from Abner. He wrote such a nice letter and wanted to call Sunday and requested me to write by return mail so I answered. Felt more cheerful, of course. Wrote a note to him stating that I would be glad to see him Sunday. Studied until late and talked with dear Mama.
April 23, 1895
Went to school. Mailed a note to Abner. Beulah and Lydia also Lula called. Was not feeling at all well. After supper had prayers and retired to dream of loved ones far away.
April 24, 1895
Went to school, studied very hard. Went to p.m.
April 25, 1895
Was sick and did not go to school until noon. Studied so very hard but was real sick. Went to Beulah's after school. How lonely life is to me.
April 26, 1895
Did not go to school but prepared the house in perfect order as was expecting Abner Sunday. Received a letter from Norman Henly. Also, I forgot to state I had a letter from Eddie Henly last Saturday and answered it immediately. So long since I had heard from dear Ed. I could not force back the tears as I read how he sympathized with me in the loss of dear father. Sad and lonely.
April 27, 1895
Worked hard all day. Lydia came over in the forenoon. In the afternoon Mr. Jim Riley and children called. Oh, how tired I an tonight. Cloudy and rained some. We went to rehearse our pieces for the children's day. Mamie came home last Saturday from Aunt Mamie's Studied until late. Received a card from Mattie R. about the examination. Dr. Lindsey quit school. He and Mr. Beavers were at the schoolhouse Wednesday. Prayers and off to sleep.
April 28, 1895
Got up real early as I was expecting Abner today. Went over to Lydia's and had my hair curled. Came home and watched for Abb all the morning and until 4 in the afternoon. He never came. I did not go to S.S. looking for him but I shall not neglect religious duties expecting a young man again unless I'm sure he is to arrive. Went to Mrs. Wheat's and Roger's and to church on Sunday night. Was completely out-done, but now I may be wrong. He might have been providentially hindered and again he might have just wanted to fool me a little, but I'm "caring". My whole soul is full of independence when it comes to caring for the boys. The most beautiful day. Could just imagine Abner and myself out among the flowers talking but disappointment is my fatal doom.
April 29, 1894
Went to school. Went up town. We met at the church to rehearse our pieces for children's day. Sent a letter to Norman and Mattie R. Sweet girl.
April 30, 1895
Went back to school. Went up town at noon and after school went over to Beulah's for awhile. Attended the cows. Sister Emma entertained us after tea by reading "Breakers Broken" It caused us to think of how we missed darling Papa. We sent a bouquet to father's grave today. Beautiful day. Milked the cows and ironed some, had prayer, retired.
May 1, 1895
Arose early and prepared for our fishing expedition. Mr. Linder and family called by so Lula, Mrs. Hawkins and I went with them. We went to Keener campground and there on the banks of that beautiful stream we spent a most delightful day. We had a nice dinner on the ground under a large oak tree. Several others accompanied us. We started for home at 4 p.m. when lo, far in the west we could see an angry cloud rising. The muttering thunder and angry wind produced quite a fearful roar. We were over taken by the storm and how it rained and blowed until we got home at dark.
May 2, 1895
Went to school, cloudy and rather cool. In the afternoon received a letter from cousin Blanche. Lydia. Georgia and Mattie called.
May 3, 1895
Back to school. Studied hard. In the eve after school went to see Beulah as she was sick. No letter or excuse from Abner yet. Glad that the examination was postponed. Went to the church to rehearse again. I acted as leader as Supt. was absent. Had a chat with Mama and read awhile then retired hoping to have pleasant dreams.
May 4, 1895
Washed, ironed and scoured. In the eve Lula, Georgia Brymer and Mattie Smith and I sat down in the grass in the garden and had quite a sermon. G. came to the house with me. Received a letter from sweet Mattie R. who is dearer to me than this sweet girl. I wish as I perused the pages of her noble letter that I could really see her. Lydia called after supper. Had prayers and retired. No news from Abner yet.
May 5, 1895
Very beautiful morning. Mattie Smith called. Then I went over to Mrs. Linder's awhile, came back and read awhile The Breakers Broken. How pathetic were those words. Went to S.S. at 2 p.m. Expected Abner but alas, he did not come. Beulah, Pink, and Lydia called also. I felt sad at heart. Got the Bible and perused its pages in search of a promise that would satisfy my sad, sad heart. Then I felt as no one on earth cared for me. That even Jesus had forsaken me but oh, how sweet the name of Jesus sounds in a believer's ear. Oh, shall my life always be darkened by sad disappointments.. Lo and behold what a dark cloud rising in the N. W.. The low muttering thunder thrilled the air with moaning sounds and the vivid flashes of lightening played beautifully on every leaf and bough from earth to sky and sky to earth. Amid this, Lydia came and brought me a card from Mr. Stancy Moore to accompany him to singing. I gladly accepted. Stancy came but we did not go to singing. He stayed until 8:30. I feel much better since the shower and pleasant "sermo" with Stancy. Prayers and to a land of dreams.
May 6, 1895
Very cloudy and rainy for awhile but the mists were cleared away soon. So went to school. Mrs. Stanley and I went down on the little branch at recess and enjoyed a short stay among the flowers and birds. Anne came to our home at noon so I reviewed geography. In the eve after school Mrs. Duncan and Etta Cannon called . Wrote a note to Beulah. My heart was made sad as I sat in the large armed rocker and beheld the lonely spot where dear father was laid out. No mail - no letter from Abner or Norman or Eddie yet. Shall I despair? Though sad it seems that no one ever loved me but Father and he sleeps so sweetly but then I think again - does Mama love her lonely daughter? Surely she does. The sun is slowly setting and hushed is the sound of birds but Jesus ever makes us glad and my heart seems more hopeful now. How sad it causes me to feel when storms come hurriedly up. No Papa to be with us now. But Jesus above is a Father who cares for and never will forsake those who love and trust Him. Jesus be ever watchful over us tonight. Bless the dear ones I love so dearly and Oh, Jesus answer my feeble desires tonight. My heart is sad and longing for someone to say "Lillie I never will forsake you."
May 7, 1895
Very beautiful day. Went to school. After school went to Mrs. Hawkin's shop for awhile. Worked some in my yard and studied awhile. After supper we sang some . Those sweet songs which Papa admired so. It is so pleasant to be around dear Mama and all the children and have them mingle their sweet voices with ours. No letters again this eve. How sad I feel about it but Jesus doeth all things for our good. Prayers and to a land of dreams.
May 8, 1895
Lovely day but "never a day so sunny but a little cloud appears". The birds sang merrily all day. Had good lessons today. After school went over to Beulah's awhile and she came home with me awhile. After she left I went to Mrs. Linder's store and they encouraged me so much.. No mail this eve. Went to p.m. Eb and Kate have gone to Milo. How beautiful the moon as it seemed to accept the pale blue sky behind the eastern pines and edged the clouds with a silvery tint. How sweet to be in the moonlight and view the sky dotted with twinkling starts and think of one who I love so dearly that I fear has forsaken forevermore. "Increase our faith, confirm our hope, perfect us in love of Thee."
May 9, 1895
Went to school again. Very beautiful morning until noon when it just rained and hailed so hard. Kate and Eb were gone to Milo. Mr. Ed Mears called on our school. Had a pleasant chat with him at recess. Went back to school until recess in the afternoon when I came home. I went to Beulah's as Mrs. Duncan wanted to see me about some home affairs. Well, I am again disappointed - no mail. Went to rehearse our pieces again. Sweet dreams.
May 10, 1895
Went to school in the forenoon. It rained very hard at noon so did not go back to school. Washed and ironed some. Intended going to Mrs. Riley's but it has rained. The clouds that obscured the sky dispersed and the glow of sunset cast its beautiful rays over our faces and made us feel fresh and happy. Went to rehearse our pieces again. Etta came and spent the night with us. How beautiful the moonlight. Prayers and to dreamland.
May 11, 1895
Very cloudy until noon when the "mists were cleared away" and the northern gales seemed as they were from an iceberg. Scoured in the forenoon. In the afternoon went to Mrs. Minnie Courson's awhile. Studied until late. Oh, I had a dream last night. I was indeed happy but "never a dream so happy but the waking makes us sad." I dreamed of being with Abner and I was trying to get him to live a Christian life. Oh, I could be the means of saving some soul for Jesus. Oh, could I just proclaim the great truth to sinners that Jesus did for them. Life would be as a flourishing "Lily of the Valley".
May 12, 1895
Very beautiful day, but very cold. Read awhile in the forenoon and took a stroll in the orchard. Down on the little branch in the orchard a fence crossed. As twas no in view of town, I got up on the fence and sat there awhile and listened to the birds. The sun shone brightly. There sitting on the fence I offered a prayer to God for the ones I love so well and thanked Him for such a pleasant situation. How thankful we should be to Jesus for His works and doings that are a source of happiness to me. When I feel sad and lonely, I often take a stroll off and all the time I am so happy. Wish I could make others happy. In the afternoon went to S.S. and preaching. Bro. Duncan did preach a splendid sermon. It revived my whole soul. Lula Andrews, sister Em and I went over to chum Beulah's as she was sick. Bro. Duncan explained the scriptures as I never thought of. "Gussie" was there, came home, milked and ate supper. Wrote a note to Mamie Lee and Tom and Marvin Crow (cousins) Had prayers and retired. Blessed thought of a happy home in Heaven.
May 13, 1895
Very beautiful day but very cool. Mollie Cannon called before school time. Went up town. Mrs. Franklin and Mr. Buchaman spoke of my recommendations as a teacher. It did me good.. Went to school. After school Beulah and Minnie Courson, Mrs. Linder, Riley, and Franklin called. B. and I went to see Mollie Cannon but was not at home. Dr. Moore and bride returned from Collins at noon. I had a queer dream of my old sweetheart last night - Mr. John Duncan. It reminded me of olden times. But what is passed cannot be recalled. Swept yards and milked, and washed dishes. Had prayers and studied until late.
May 14, 1895
Went to school. In the afternoon came home at recess, went to Mrs. Simpson's to assist in making a banner for children's day. No mail this eve. Milked and studied until very late. Yes, went up town awhile after I came home from Mrs. Simpson's. Oh, I feel very lonely this eve. Oh, could I just recall a few moments of my past life. Prayers and retired.
May 16, 1895
Went to school, met Lula. We had quite a "sermo" in the shade beside the church. Got along nicely at school. Prof. Rogers complimented and encouraged me so I can not say fail. Went to Mrs. Simpson's at noon. After school went up town. Received a nice, sweet letter from cousin Eddie Henly. Sweet boy. Oh, how my heart aches to think of those I love so dearly so far away. No letter from – yet. I have despaired. Even Jesus has failed to hear my feeble prayers. I feel as though I had no faith. Very cold and cloudy for the sunny days of May. Prayers and studied and re-read Ed's letter.
May 18, 1895
Helped around the house in the forenoon. In the afternoon Lydia and Miss Annie Gaston of Collins came over. We went to the church and decorated it with flowers for the children's day. Went out to the croquet grounds awhile. Came home. Went over to Mrs. Linder's awhile. Mr. John Riley called to tell me about my school. After supper we went to rehearse again. Oh, we had so much fun. Practiced our pieces,. came home, studied my piece awhile and retired.
May 19, 1895
At 10 went t the church to rehearse again for the eve. Mrs. Stanley took dinner with us. Our exercises began at 2 p.m. It was a success. We enjoyed the occasion so much. Mrs. John Franklin came home with us. Rec. a card from Willie Griswold (a little boy, I call him) to accompany me to singing. I refused.. One from Mr. Blankenship was accepted. Had pleasant time at the singing. Sometimes I think there is no enjoyment for me, then, then Jesus sends enjoyment and pleasure before I realize my sad condition. Prayers and retired at 10.
May 20, 1895
Sewed all day. Went up town and over to Beulah's and Mrs. Price's awhile. Cousin Hiram Jones called in the afternoon. I was so glad to meet my new cousin. Very nice and pleasant. No mail. Wrote to cousin Eddie. Studied awhile. Very tired and sleepy.
May 22, 1895
Went to Mr. Riley's to see about my school. Took dinner at Mr. Jim Riley's. Came home and sewed.
May 23, 1895
Sewed all day. No news. Went up town awhile.
May 24, 1895
Washed, wrote a note to Abner…….to write….I think………
May 25, 1895
Sewed in the forenoon. Lydia came over and helped me awhile. In the afternoon Mrs. Hawkins and I attended church at Mt. Olive. Mr. Jim Kimbro escorted me to the buggy and handed me a note that he had written in the forenoon to accompany me to Mt. Olive and concerning the school, too. Went to Prof. Roger's after supper awhile. Lydia and Emma Knight called awhile. Oh, how tired I feel and sleepy, too. Preparing for the normal school at Hamburg.
May 26, 1895
Went to S.S. in the afternoon. Went walking late in the eve and to singing Sun. night. Very sad and lonely.
May 28, 1895
Went to school. Sweet Mattie R. was here. Mr. Abner absent. After school went up town. Wrote a note to Mama after school. Was pleased with our teacher ( Prof. Wheat)
May 29, 1895
Back to school. Rained a short while. Got along real well at school. Mattie came home with me. We outlined our maps. Wrote to Abner. Was sick awhile. Miss Jackie Boyett was so kind to fix some medicine for me.
May 30, 1895
Back to school. After school Mattie and I went up town. I mailed a letter to Abner. Went down to Mrs. Bethune's awhile. Had a pleasant time. Miss Jackie and I went out walking after supper. She played some for me on the piano and recited several pieces. Ah, I have retired to the parlor to rest now. The curtains slipped to one side. I fear some uneasiness but Jesus will guide me. Must study some then have prayers and retire. No letter from Ab yet.
May 31, 1895
Enjoyed the school very much. Had a real nice time. Studied until very late.
June 1, 1895
Went to school again. We have school on Saturday. Prof. Wheat dismissed us early. After school Miss Jackie and I went out walking. Felt very blue and lonely. Had a pleasant time with sweet Mattie R.
June 3, 1895
Went to school. After awhile Abner came in. He looked very nice. I was disappointed from the first so I did not care. After school, received a note from Abb asking me to answer the next day. I did not speak to him at all. Neither smiled. Well, I answered his note and mailed it at noon next day. I asked him to answer before I left for home Friday.
June 4, 1895
Abner looked so nice today. Mattie R. Seemed sweeter than ever before. Got along very well at school. Prof. Wheat often calls on me to display my ignorance at the board. Studied late.
June 5, 1895
Back to school. Abner looked so nice and gave me smiles today. Received a note from him. How the contents pierced my heart. I often think how boys can be so deceitful and how they can flatter the girls so. Worked on our maps to send to Atlanta. Finished mine and assisted Mamie Lee with hers. Studied until late.
June 7, 1895
Back to school. Ebbie came for me to come home. Abner came around me before I left. I did not say anything at all to him. We started at 3 p.m. Our mule gave out and had to walk part of the way home. We talked until 11 o'clock. Yes, and John Duncan arrived too, this eve.
June 8, 1895
Washed, starched, and ironed.. Lydia called. Went up town. It rained very hard late in the afternoon. Saw Mrs. Jim Riley and the children, came over to see me awhile. I am so tired and worried. Thinking of Abner. Tom Price called after supper. Had quite a chat with him for fun.
June 9, 1895
Very pretty day. Lydia came over awhile. I read nearly all the forenoon. In the afternoon went to S.S. Oh, yes and I went to Mrs. Hawkin's and spent an hour pleasantly in the forenoon. Mr. John Duncan (my old sweetheart) was there. Later I received a card from Mr. John to attend singing. Accepted of course. He seemed so changed, not the same tone of conversation. I enjoyed myself very well with him but not as in olden times. Wrote a letter to Abner and retired.
June 10, 1895
Very dreary morning. Started back to Hamburg early. The mists were soon cleared away and we got to H. At 9 a.m. Eb mailed my letter to Abner. He looked so nice and sweet at school. The very spark of innocense shines in his deep blue eyes. We go along nicely at school. Received a letter from Aunt Mamie and dear cousin Marvin.
June 11, 1895
Went to school. Beulah and Mr. John Duncan called at school. Well, Abb would not dare look at me while J. was present. No news. Mattie R. and I enjoyed ourselves hugely. We went off and had a private "sermo" under the shade of the trees. Had a case of the blues and felt as though I wished I was far away. Offered a prayer and went to sleep.
June 12, 1895
Back to school. Studied hard all day. Mattie and Em Rogers came home with us to spend the night. We went walking and then to church. Ah, there was Abner with Etta but I did not care. Hope he has found a girl whom he can love. Mat and I did not retire until after 12. We had another sweet chat. Mat R. is one dear, sweet girl. Prayers and off to rest. Mattie R. And Lillie Dale.
June 16. 1895
Sick and did not go to S.S. or church. ……read all day. Went to Mrs. Dean's awhile in the afternoon with Miss Jackie. What a dark cloud in the far south. How sad it makes me feel.
June 18, 1895
Went to school at 10 o'clock as twas day to lecture the Directors by Prof. Wheat. Our grades were called out of which mine were highest except in orthography. It made my heart rejoice to hear Prof. Wheat compliment me there before all of those directors and people. Dr. Simpson and Mrs. Hawkins took dinner with us at Mrs. Norris's. We went back at 3 p.m. and organized a teacher's association. Last day of the normal and we all bid Prof. Wheat farewell. Shook hands with him perhaps our last time. No more school now. Can see Abb no more.
June 20, 1895
Rained off and on all day. We went to the academy in the afternoon to see the public questions. They were very easy. Major Rolfe came near giving me 1st grade. Went to Prof. Gladney's and stayed awhile. Mr Abner left the city for home at 10 o'clock this morning. Miss Jackie and I sat out on the portico and talked until 9 o'clock which we retired. Mattie R. came by the academy and kissed me goodby.
June 21, 1895
Rained very hard awhile. Ebbie came at 9:30 so we started for home. Waved at Oddie as we passed. Stopped at the schoolhouse awhile to get my dictionary but could not find it. Got home at 12 o'clock. Ate dinner and rested. Ate plums all eve. Lydia and Beulah came over awhile. Retired early as I was tired and sick.
June 22, 1895
Felt sick all day but washed some. Dr. Simpson came over in the eve and chatted for awhile. He complimented me so highly. Lydia came over . I went to Mrs. Simpson's awhile in the eve.
June 23, 1895
Lydia and Luna Colson came over. In the afternoon went to S.S. and to see Laura awhile. Lula Andrews called awhile. Wrote to Aunt Mamie. Had the blues and cried myself to sleep.
June 24, 1895
Very beautiful day. Helped about home. Called to see Mrs. Linder awhile. Hope I shall hear from Abner at noon. John is up town I see. No letters. Went over to Beulah's in the eve and up town awhile. Prayers and off t a land of dreams.
June 25, 1895
Helped about the house in the forenoon and wrote to Aunt Mamie. In the afternoon went calling. Later went over to Mrs. Simpson's and then with Lydia to Mrs. Price's after beans. The moon shone brightly and I thought of loved ones far away.
June 26, 1895
The sky was obscured by dark clouds and the rain fell in almost torrents for an hour. At 10, washed some, the wrote to cousin Norman. No letters today. Lydia came over in the eve awhile. Went to p.m. Had the blues but felt very well. John was with Lydia tonight.
June 27, 1895
Read all the forenoon nearly. Cooked dinner. In the afternoon read. No news and no letters. I felt as though I wished I was far from anyone where I could see and hear nothing but the songs of birds and admire the beauties of nature. The moon shone brighter than ever before, it seemed. Bro. and I sang until very late when we had prayers and retired.
June 29, 1895
Arose early and put forth all of my energy and industry in assistance about the house. Mrs. Linder came for me to go to Promise Land but Mama was quite sick so I did not go. Rained in the afternoon. Went to Mrs. Linder's, then Lydia and I went walking. We enjoyed our walk hugely. After supper Lydia came over and said Abner was at Promise Land. Of course, I would like to have been there. We had such a lively time.
June 30, 1895
Again they sent for me to go to Promise Land but I could not go. Went to S.S. in the afternoon. We organized a Missionary Society of which I was chosen Sec. Beulah and Luna called. Received a card from Mr. T. G. Griswold to act as my escort to church tonight. Accepted and enjoyed the eve splendidly. Also received a card from Ab Knight. Refused. Went to dreamland at 10. Memorable ……in the pages of this diary.
July 1, 1895
Very cloudy, dreary morning. Lydia came over and told me of her trip to church today. Abner was there. Of course, sorry I was not and then sweet Mattie R. was there and I regret so much that I did not go. Went to Mrs. Hawkin's awhile. Mrs. Simpson called. At 11:30 Tony brought me a letter. My heart ached and throbbed as I unsealed that letter somehow I felt all the forenoon that surely I would get a letter from Abner. Surely I did. As I perused the pages of that dear letter when I came to his proposition asked me if I could risk a life with him………Boys like to flatter girls. I have often times went to Jesus in prayer that a boy may never flirt in that way and He as a guide will direct the answer. Sometimes I feel sad and forsaken, no Papa to assist me in answering such questions. Mother leaves it to me. This is so unexpected to me. He seems to be such a pure, noble young man but outward appearances cannot speak for the heart. If I could make him and others happier and he meant it I might say "yes" for I only live for the good I can do. Jesus help me decide this answer by time to reply. Very cloudy, feel sad at heart, I could just cry an hour. I feel like I know Jesus is the best friend and guide and to forsake home ever, I cannot………can care for………
July 4, 1895
Very lovely day. Reminded me of July 4th last year. What a sweet memory of Papa. I was teaching and he came by my boarding place to bring my hat and to go to the picnic. We went. He rode a white horse and today is sleeping so sweetly in the arms of Jesus. I have been at home all day today. Felt so sad to think how happy last year at this day and now so sad. Copied another letter to Abb. I went off after reading a sad poem and took a cry. I wished I could see some one just for consolation. Lydia and I went walking. No letter from sweet Mattie R. yet. The moon shines so brightly tonight. Bro. and I spent some time singing. The western horizon was pictured to me as never before. How beautiful as the last beams of sunlight sank from sight. I lie in prayers tonight at home and now I feel some better.
July 5, 1895
Very beautiful day. Ironed and read "Stepping Heavenward" in the forenoon. Called to see old Grandma Simpson in the eve. She is a good old woman. How beautiful the eve is. The town is lighted so brightly. Oh how the moon send forth the beautiful beams to beautify the evening scenes. Should not we thank our Savior for such beautiful evenings which add so much to our happiness. I wonder, is Ab enjoying this lovely eve half as much as I? Bro. had prayers and retired. Hope to have a pleasant dream.
July 6, 1895
Ebbie and I went to Mr. Riley's. Pleasant morning and a pleasant drive. Got my school contract and returned home at 3 p.m.. Went to Missionary Society. Came home and enjoyed the eve royally talking with Lydia. Not feeling very well. Had prayers and retired.
July 7, 1895
Lydia came over. Such a bright morning. By persuasion L. got me to go walking in the ….and get some gum. I thought of our S.S. lesson and this commandment "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it holy" How mean I felt and directly a friend passed and said " Remember the Sabbath day,etc" My heart sank within me and I proposed that we should go and pray for forgiveness. Went to S.S. and it seemed that I could explain the lesson as never before - just as Father explained it to me long ago. Late in the eve we went walking and got some peaches and therefore violated the S. again. I felt so bad, I asked God to forgive me once again and help me to keep holy the Sabbath.
July 8, 1895
Very cool but beautiful morning. Took a chill at 9 and it lasted until 12 when I took a burning fever. Dr. Simpson called twice during the eve. Several girls called to see me. Later I felt some better and I wrote a little more to Ab about my illness. Oh, how sick I am. Mama is very kind. I wish somebody was here that they might console me while I am sick. I am so sick. So very, very sick.
July 9, 1895
In bed all day. Dr. Simpson called in the afternoon and left so much medicine. Oh, how sick I have been all day. Several ladies called to see me. Sent A. a letter off. Sister Emma is 16 today. Received a letter from Cora Thompson my old chum. Wrote a card to sweet Mattie R. - not able to sit up but managed to write it. It seems that I never was so sick. Oh, that I may soon be well again is my prayer tonight.
July 10, 1895
Quite sick all the forenoon. Mrs. Linder called. In the afternoon sat up some but taking medicine all the while. Lydia called. We read a few pages of this diary and it seemed as though I was almost living over my past day at school while reading it. I feel considerably better tonight but cannot attend p.m. Read awhile in Talmage's works which I enjoy. Had prayers and retired.
July 12, 1895
Felt some better today. Effie Sullivan, Lula and Mrs. Little called. After they left I went to see the sick Lydia and I went walking. Felt considerably exhausted when I returned. We children amused ourselves reading Uncle's letters which were written during the Civil War. How romantic and poetical they are. Tired and sleepy.
July 13, 1895
Busy all day until 3 p.m. when I went over to sweet chum Beulah's. We had such a pleasant walk. Came by Lydia's, then to Dr. Simpson's and Mrs. Linder's then home. Swept yards, sang and studied awhile then after leading in prayers retired thinking of loved ones far away.
July 14, l895
Very beautiful morning. Tony and Tom are quite sick. Not feeling very well myself. Had fever and Mama was quite sick. Mr. Riley's family came by after me to carry me to my school. I got here at sunset. I felt very sad because I left all sick at home. Prayers and off to sleep.
July 17, 1895
Got along splendidly today and the close of today calls to mind pleasant reflections. Wish I could hear from home. No news.
July 18, 1895
Back to school. Nothing of any importance today.
July 19, 1895
Dismissed school a little earlier today than usual that I might get home. Found all quite sick. Got a warrant to go to town. Wish I could hear from sweet Mattie R. once again.
July 20, 1895
Washed and cleaned up generally. All not well. All the girls came over to see me.
July 21, 1895
Went to S.S. and Lula called. Very pleasant day.
July 22, 1895
Arose very early and started to school. Was quite tired but had several new pupils to day and we got along splendidly. Studied until tolerably late.
July 23, 1895
Went back to school. Got along nicely. Nothing new.
July 24, 1895
Had a pleasant time at school. At recess in the forenoon Mr. Jim Riley came by and brought me a letter from Abner. Oh, I was so glad to get it. Of course, twas just as nice and sweet as ever though insisting that I should answer his question. Re-read it after I got home from school. How nice.
July 25, 1895
Got along very well today though had to scold a little. All are sick at home. After school, went down on the little branch and there amid all that was sweet and pleasant, I thought how or whether I could answer someone's question - right or wrong.
July 26, 1895
Back to school, came home in the eve. Was glad to be at home again. Received letter from J.M. Dicker. a.m. Sulphur Rock normal.
July 27, 1895
Washed and helped about home. Went to Hamburg, had a pleasant time. Luna Colson went with me. I saw Jim Shipman and we had quite a time. As we came back we stopped at Mrs. Noley's and got some nice fruit and melons. Got home and went up town and over to Mrs. Linder's awhile. Lula came over.
July 28, 1895
Beautiful day. Went to S.S. and singing. Mr. John Duncan called at 7 p.m. We did have such a pleasant time. Wrote to Abner.
August 3, 1895
Came home last eve. Had a letter from sweet Vira. Helped about home affairs.
August 4, 1895
Felt very bad all day so stayed at home. Lula and Luna came over to see me.
August 5, 1895
Went back to school. Got along well. Studied until late, came home.
August 6, 1895
Same old thing "to school"
August 7, 1895
Back to school, nothing new. Wish I was home
August 8, 1895
We had a splendid time today at school. All getting along well.
August 9, 1895
Very beautiful day. Thought so often of Abb today. Came home after school.
August 10, 1895
Helped about home. Eb went to Hamburg. Abner was there but Eb didn't see him.. How lonely and despondent I feel.
August 16, 1895
Went to school. Got to Mr. Riley's at 6:30. He said that I could get his horse to go to Mattie's. Dismissed school early. Got home and went to Luna's. She is to go with me. Oh, how hard it rained. I fear we will not get off tomorrow - but hope we will.
Saturday, August 17, 1895 MEMORABLE
We got off to Mattie Roger's at 12. There we fixed our buggy and rested awhile. Jim was there too. We had a time before we got to Mattie's. The roads were dreadful but we only trusted we would get there safe which we did at 3 p.m. We found Bro. Duncan and Colson there. Oh how glad we were to greet them. How sweet Mattie looked. We took a walk just before sunset. Got ready to go. I put on my new swiss dress and flowers and they said I looked "out of sight"……first thing after I sat down and looked around. There was Abner. How nice he looked. He came around and shook hands with us and had a little talk and went home. I slipped off to the dining room before supper and talked of olden times, present also, until late. Oh, how sweet my visit there.
Sunday, August 18, 1895 MEMORABLE
Well, twas sun-up when we arose. We ate breakfast and oh, my I had such a hot fever but got ready and went to church. We were a little late. Abner was there and looked just as cute as ever but took a back seat. Now, I did not admire that at all. I just wonder if this is his style. If so, I say "farewell". He behaved so nicely though. After services he came around and insisted that we should stay for evening services, etc. but we had to come home. We went home with Miss Lizzie Warren for dinner and passed Mr. Rogers. Quite a crowd at Mattie's for dinner. Luna and Im started for home at 3 p.m. Got to Miss Warren's and Abb was out to open the gate so nice. Oh, he surely gave a straight look at our buggy. He said we had better stay but we came on and just had a good time but it seemed to me that I had left some dear one far behind. I could just cry a week. We stopped at Mr. Norris's and got some water. Got home at sunset. Lula spent the night with me.
August 19, 1895
Went back to school. Came home at night.
August 20, 1895
Back to school and had pleasant time, very pleasant day. No letters today.
August 21, 1895
Came home this eve again and went to p.m. for the first time since my school began. No letters.
August 25, 1895
Went to S.S. in the afternoon. Sad day it seems to me.
August 26, 1895
Went to school. Got along very well. Nothing new. Did not come home.
August 27, 1895
Back to school. Eb came after me and we walked home then I went over to see Grandpa Simpson.
August 28, 1895
Back to school. Nothing worthy of note.
September 1, 1895
Stayed at home until 2 when I went to S.S. Beulah and Lula passed and we had a little "sermo". Oh, how its raining!
September 2, 1895
Eb and I started for my school today early. Did not come home however, as the mule was out and gone. How sore my throat is.
September 7, 1895
Washed and helped about home affairs. Mrs. Hawkins and I went to church. Mr. J. W. Duncan escorted me home. We had quite a pleasant time. The sun shone so very brightly.
September 9, 1895
Helped about home. Went to Minnie Courson's and Mrs. Wheat's. Sewed nearly all day. At noon received a long letter from Abner. How nice and how much more cheerful I felt. Nothing else of importance today.
September 10, 1895
This is sister Kate's birthday. We went to the mill pond to wash. There we met Mrs. Gardner and her son John. Well, we had such a lovely "sermo" Son John and I had quite a time. We didn't wash much but talked.
September 11, 1895
Helped about home and went to p.m. Nothing of importance.
September 12, 1895
Sewed and helped about home and prepared to go to Hamburg.
September 13, 1895
Eb and I started for Hamburg very early and had such a pleasant time. Went to Mrs. Allie Bethune's for dinner. We got home at 4:30. In the eve we went to p.m. No letters. Wrote a little on Abb's letter.
September 14, 1895
Worked had all day preparing for the meeting and expecting sweet Mattie R. but to my sorrow they failed to come. How sad I felt. Perhaps they may come tomorrow, went to church tonight.
September 15, 1895
This is quite a memorable day. Today I am 20. Oh, how old it seems. Time is passing swifter it seems. Not a cloud appeared all day. How anxiously and patiently I look and waited for sweet Mattie R. who two years ago was with me. Mother prepared such a nice dinner and supper for us but sadly I was disappointed. No Mattie came. Went to church at 11 a.m. We had quite a number of guests for dinner and spent the afternoon very pleasantly but did not attend S.S. Went to church tonight. I feel so lonely and despondent. Tis not right that we should feel so, but under such a disappointment how otherwise. Prayer and off to sleep.
September 16, 1895
Spent the entire forenoon responding to Abner's letter until 11 when I went to church as our meeting began. Georgia Brymer, Ida Franklin and Eva F. Came home with us for dinner. I received another sweet note from Abner and a letter from Vira. She told me of her wedding to be on December 6 and my dear cousin who has proved no good. It seems that disappointment is my fate, but this the trying trials of a Christian life. After the girls left I wrote a little more to Abner and went to church. After I came back, finished Abner's letter. Oh, for a closer walk with God.
September 17, 1895
Mailed Abner's letter. Went to church both at 11 and 7 p.m. Oh, we had a glorious meeting both at noon and night. The Lord was surely in our midst.
September 18, 1895
To church and enjoyed very much. Lydia Moore came over and "blessed us out" I went to Sister Colson's Nothing new.
September 19, 1895
Helped at home and went to church at 11 and 7 p.m. Had such a good meeting. Mr. John Gardener was my escort home and our acquaintance has been quite romantic.
September 20, 1895
Enjoyed the meeting ever so much. Several callers today. Mr. J. Gardener was my escort from church again. Beulah and Luna called this eve also.
September 21, 1895
Swept yards and went over to see chum Beulah. Went to church at 7 p.m. Mr. J. Gardener was my escort. We had such a pleasant time and he treated me to hazelnuts.
September 22, 1895
Went to S.S. Mr. Walter Naley looked ever so nice. Mrs. Gardener and Luna, Beulah and Barma Sharpe came to see us this afternoon. After S.S. we went walking perhaps together for the last time as Beulah is to leave us for Chicot on tomorrow. Went to singing at Beulah's at 7 p.m. Mr. Naley was there and I received an introduction to him. I never enjoyed anyone's company any more. Oh, he is ever so nice, but then someone is always ahead of me. "Son John" is sick and could not attend singing. We all feel so sad to think chum Beulah is soon to leave us but such is life. Yes, and John D. left, too. Belle left, also, so Berea is quite lonely.
September 23, 1895
Very cool and pleasant. Somewhat cloudy. Barma Sharpe and I went to see the sick Mrs. Griswold. Stopped at Mrs. Linder's and to Mrs. Hawkin's in the afternoon, went to Mrs. Hawkin's shop and sewed awhile then called to see Luna and home. Had a chat with Shakespeare. No letters today.
September 24, 1895
Studied most of the day until late when I went over to Mrs. Duncan's and spent the night with her. Twas real lonely there and dear Beulah gone.
September 25, 1895
Arose very early and came home. Went over to Mrs. Linder's and then Mrs. Gardener came by and we went and spent the day with Mrs. Williams. Had quite a pleasant time playing "authors", chatting. I felt real mean playing "authors" but they said twas no harm. We came home and I prepared for prayer meeting. Mr. John Gardener escorted me home from p.m.
September 26, 1895
Washed a little, went calling awhile. Was taken sick and Dr. Simpson was called in. Oh, how sick I was until 12 o'clock in the night when I went to sleep.
September 27, 1895
Stayed in bed nearly all day. Sent to the post office at noon for the mail expecting a letter from Abb, but to my general disappointment none came, but sweet Vira cared enough of me to write. I read her letter with "an eagle eye" Luna called a few moments and after supper I read until late. Prayers and to sleep.
September 28, 1895
Ironed some. In the afternoon Luna Colson came and she, sister Em and I went to see Mrs. Gardener. We had a pleasant time. John came in a new minutes. I feel very sick now. No letters today.
September 29, 1895
Very cool. The wind is blowing furiously. At 10 a.m. we went to see the sick. Came back at 11 and wrote to Cora Thompson. Went to S.S. at 2 p.m. Mr. John Gardener called after S.S. Had a very pleasant time. He talked very positive and said he undoubtedly felt his love with me at the lake where we went to wash and always would love me, etc, etc. But I do not love him at all!!
September 30, 1895
Read nearly all day. Was anxious for the mail, but no letter yet. In the afternoon went to Mrs. Linder's and to see Mrs. Gardener. Spent an hour very pleasantly there. John came in with his captivating smile. He looked ever so nice. Came home and studied awhile.
October 1, 1895
Worked in the yard until 10 a.m. Went to Mrs. Duncan's and Simpson's at noon. The mail brought a note from Abner. I felt somewhat revived but no letter from sweet Mattie R. yet. Georgia Brymer spent the afternoon with me. Had quite a time separating muscilated stamps for the P.O. department but that was soon accomplished. Wrote to cousin Blanche.
October 2, 1895
Assisted Mrs. Linder on some dresses and Mrs. Courson and Georgia came in the afternoon. Georgia and I went walking and after Minnie left and supper was served we went to p.m. We did not retire until very late. I felt very bad thinking of Mattie R. and Abb.
October 3, 1895
All not at all well. Went after the Dr. and over to Mrs. Linder's awhile and studied until noon. She came over and Mrs. Hawkins came a few moments. Had a little talk with "son John" Went over to see Grandma Simpson awhile and hunt for some Latin phrases. Ate supper. I feel so sad now. Mother spoke so harsh to me and "Toggie" would not sit by me and it seemed that everyone has failed to love me somehow, but then old Emma comes and puts an affectionate word as usual. I would like to be with someone that I hope cares for me. Wish I could see sweet Mattie R. and dear Abb. Oh, I suppose I am not right at heart tonight but may Jesus pardon me if so. Tis an awful feeling to feel like the whole world has forsaken you. But some sweet day all the gloom and mist will be dispelled and life may seem as a merry chime. Oh, make me a purer, nobler Christian. Prayers and to a land of dreams.
October 4, 1895
Washed some and read in the forenoon. Afternoon "Toggie" and I went hickory nut hunting. Met Eb and Son John but I care no more for him. I am disgusted because tis reported that he and I are to be married and I love and care for only one. Went over to Mrs. Duncan's to carry some syrup home we had borrowed and then ate supper and came to my room as usual. Read a chapter and prayers as usual. Then retired after re-reading the note which I received from Abb. Life seems so dreary. My heart seems as though it will melt within me. Oh, may Jesus drive away such sad feelings and put within my weary soul a sweet and happy pleasure. So this ends one more day.
October 5, 1895
Helped about home affairs and at noon received a note from Abb. He is now in Hamburg. I never studied so as to the meaning of a note. He seemed to think so much of me and then just simply doubted my veracity so until I knelt and prayed to Jesus that if I was so untruthful and deceitful as to fool anyone.
October 6, 1895
Very beautiful day. Spent the afternoon in writing to Abb and Vira. In the afternoon went to S.S. with a burdened heart. Mattie Smith, Georgia Brymer, Ora Griswold, Ruben Knight and Mr. John Gardener called. Eb is real sick. Spent the eve in singing and regret.
October 7, 1895
Went after the Dr. for the children. Finished Abb's letter. Oh, I do wonder if I spoke too harshly or whether I shall ever regret writing this way, but such is life. Went to Mrs. Duncan's awhile. Read all the forenoon. Mailed Vira's letters. Went over to the field after some peas and wandered over the hills and far away to get hickory nuts with the little ones. Received a sweet letter from my darling Mattie R. Oh, how glad to know she had not forsaken me. Answered immediately after supper, finished my letters, had prayers and retired.
October 8, 1895
We had a show in town but I did not enter. Went to the grounds and met all my pupils formally, and old friends. Just had such a pleasant time. We had quite a number of callers, Mssrs. Sam Mosely, Bob Griswold and Mrs. George bought a ticket for me but I did not go. Went over to Mrs. Hawkin's. Prof. Haley came in. He is so handsome and nice. Mrs. Hawkins told me a compliment he said. Mailed Abb's letter.
October 9, 1895
Not a cloud appeared scarcely all day. Went over to Mrs. Duncan's and up town. Went to Bro. Colson's awhile and hence Luna came part of the way with me. Received a card from Prof. Naley to accompany me to p.m. which was accepted. Had a very peasant time indeed. Sat up with the sick until 11 o'clock.
October 11, 1895
Dyed my winter costume and waited on the sick ones. Prepared dinner. "Son John" and Mrs. Williford dined with us. "Son John" came over after supper to see Eb and brought some wood.. How kind he is. I never shall forget a kind and faithful friend. We shall sit up again tonight. Wrote to Aunt Mamie. Had prayers and studied awhile.
October 11, 1895
Went to Mrs. Gardener's awhile. Helped to cook dinner. Received a long letter from Abner. Read all the afternoon. Eb was real sick. Had prayers and off to rest.
October 12, 1895
Helped about home affairs. Lula called. Feeling very lonely and sad.
October 13, 1895
Went to church at Central and then to S.S. at Berea. After S.S. several of the girls called. Oh, it seems so sad and lonely.
October 14, 1895
Read all the forenoon. Helped about home. Went up town. No news.
October 15, 1895
Just the same days work. Wrote some to Abb.
October 16, 1895
Very beautiful day. Tony's birthday. Mama prepared a nice dinner. Went to p.m. John Gardener accompanied me home. Prayers and off to sleep.
October 17, 1895
Mailed Abb's letter and one to Vira and cousin Blanche. Went walking in the eve.
October 18, 1895
Sewed some. Mrs. Adams called at noon so we prepared to go to Aunt Mamie's Saturday. Went to Mrs. Linder's awhile.
October 19, 1895
Went to Minnie Courson's awhile and then prepared to start at noon, which we did and got to Milo at sunset. Oh, how beautiful the eve was! Had such a pleasant time with Aunt and Uncle Frank Harville. Wrote a letter to Mattie before leaving home. We retired at 10. Oh, my heart aches tonight thinking of home and my little sweetheart.
October 20, 1895
Arose tolerable early. Twas very cold. We went to S.S. at 9:30 a.m. Met several old friends there. Then went to church and so surprised to see one of my old friends was a preacher. He used to be a very rude boy. Rosie …… called in the afternoon so we went out walking to take a "birds-eye view of the city" of Milo. Then we went to the pond and home. We enjoyed ourselves very much. After supper with Aunt Mamie and Uncle Frank, had prayers and retired. Not feeling very well.
(The following was as a separate entry from September 20 in the diary)
The sky is clear and blue. Surrounded by all that is sweet and joyful, full of God's abiding love we once again bid sweet summer farewell. Our brows are fanned by the pleasant breezes from the south. This has been one of the sweetest summers of my past life. Only I have not a Father's love on this earth. He passed from life to a sweeter home. Sitting here, along at intervals there comes a shower of leaves painted with autumn paint. It reminds me of long ago when we were at school. Blessed days when I had sweet Mattie R. at my side to stand firm and true through every trial. Now she is absent and others are away whom I love dearly. I have just returned from church. Jesus surely blessed us today. Oh, could every sinner just give their heart to Jesus and bask in the sunlight of Heavenly love and glory. What a sweeter life this would be. Oh, could I proclaim Jesus's love to everyone today. Oh, momentary pleasures are soon gone, gone forevermore, but spiritual pleasures last forever. There is such a burden in my heart today. There are dear ones that I love who are not saved. Jesus, confirm their hopes, open their fair, sweet eyes that they may behold Thee sweet and precious to their never dying soul. I feel that I could shed a thousand tears. Oh, was Abner, Mattie, Vira and Luna all here and I could just talk with them and I could be so happy. I hope and long for the time that someday this may be in print that I may be of some benefit to those I love so dearly. Oh, how thankful we should be! At noon, Ta Ta. I sent to the office and received 3 letters - one from cousin Blanche Rogers and Carrie Butler (cousins )and their pictures, one from one of my dear sweet schoolmates Miss Cora Thompson, a cripple girl. How sweet she is and one from my dear "black eyes" cousin Norman Henley. Oh, sometimes I think no one cares for poor me but then when I get so many nice, sweet letters and pictures, etc. why I feel someone cares for me. They write such sweet letters.
October 21, 1895
Mrs. Adams and I started early. Rose came over and bid me "au revoir" We got to Hamburg at 11 a.m. Spent several hours in that dear, old town. Did not see Abb. I presume he was at school. We arrived at home t 3 p.m. Oh, we were very tired. I was indeed disappointed today. Mrs. Hawkins called. Spent the eve with Mama talking.
October 22, 1895
Looked anxiously for Mattie R. but no Mattie came. No letters and you may know how lonely I felt. Went walking and called to see Mrs. Wilcoxin while. Oh, it seems that my heart will melt within me. Jesus is our guide.
October 23, 1895 Wednesday - Memorable Afternoon
Looked and longed all day for Mattie but she did not come until later. Mrs. Wilcoxin returned my call and while she was here Mattie drove up. Oh, I was so glad, just overjoyed. We did enjoy the eve "highly" Mattie was accompanied to p.m. by Stanley Duncan. Gus Griswold came home with us so for a short while we had a lively time. They left, Mattie and I stayed up and talked until very late. Oh, it seems to me that I must tell a secret to Mattie. Oh. Jesus, help me that I may act alright. We surely enjoyed being together.
October 24, 1895
Mattie and I went to Mrs. Simpson's to see Miss Jackie Boyette. We called at school. Mr. Naley acted so very nicely. Mrs. Hawkins invited us to take dinner with her but as Kate was quite sick we came home. Went to the office. No letter. Mattie and I went out driving and called to see Mrs. Rube Griswold and they treated us to ham. We enjoyed the eve very much. Mattie guessed my secret so I could not deny it of my "case" with Abb. Oh, I just could not tell a story, so I hope she will never betray me.
October 25, 1895
We got up very early. Mattie and I went over to Mr. George Franklin's that she might apply for Central School. We got home at 10 a.m. where sweet Mattie started immediately for home. I felt very sad and lonely there all day. Mr. Gardener took dinner with us. I worked on my cape all the eve when Mrs. Gardener called. Then I prepared supper. Mr. John came and sister Em and Mrs. Gardener went to Mrs. Duncan's awhile. Sister Kate is quite sick. Had a very pleasant time.
October 26, 1895
Mr. G. left very early. Helped about home. Not feeling very well. Received a very short note from Abb. I dreamed that he fooled me but I did not care so I guess he would like to if he could by his brief not, but I'll never suffer myself to be fooled or to be grieved by any man. Independence is my ticket. Also received a letter from Miss Cora Thompson. Went calling, then swept yards. Lula Andrews called. Had a very nice talk. Had prayers and talked with Mama until 9 p.m.
October 27, 1895
Rained in the forenoon. Went to S.S. in the afternoon. Ora Griswold and Prof. Naley came home with me. After they left went out walking with Luna and Emma. I enjoyed conversing with Prof. Naley. He's so interesting to hear him tell of his travels.
October 28, 1895
Very cloudy. Went up town and sewed nearly all day. Very gloomy and raining. Studied until very late.
October 29, 1895
Mrs. Bethune from Hamburg called. Sewed in the afternoon.
October 30, 1895
Very cold and drizzling rain. In the afternoon wrote a note to Abb. Read Shakespeare until 10 o'clock then had prayers and retired. How lonely it has been today.
October 31, 1895
Sewed nearly all day. Called on Miss Mary Knight and Mrs. Simpson. Received letters from "black eyes" and Rosa Bazore and cousin Blanche. Retired thinking of Abb.
November 1, 1895
Very beautiful day. The sky is clear blue. Went up town shopping then to Mrs. Wilcoxin's. Sewed in the afternoon. Called to see Luna a short while. Came home and cried until it seemed that my heart would melt. Received a long letter from dear sweet Beulah. Oh, the pleasure of perusing such a complimentary letter from such a noble girl. It seems as though I can not go away to school this time. I would give the world for one little word of encouragement and consolation. I have a real case of the blues it seems. However, we should not be that way as "somebody" said. Stancy Duncan called after supper so I dried away the tears…… and went in and entertained him several hours. Cried myself to sleep. I never felt so forlorn and despondent.
Since writing last there has been many "occurrences well worthy of mention. I have been teaching for 7 weeks. Am progressing nicely all the while had the blues several times, but for a hope in Jesus still survive. I have been at home every Friday and remain until Sunday eve each time. Mr. Gardener came out after me one time. I have had pleasant hours and sad hours, been sick but time being limited, had no time to write this. Have received and answered several letters from Abner and other friends and relatives. Am delighted with my prairie home. Miss Ethel Cason came out home with me the eve of the supper so we enjoyed that. Prof. Naley came home with me. He called several times during this lapse of time. Received several letters from dear Beulah. I shall begin this daily again now I have had pleasure and sad times also which I have not time to make mention. Free school now so I had 45 crowded this last week. I think I have gained friendships of many since my stay on the prairie. I shall begin now with December.
December 20, 1895
Very cold, dreary day. Arose early and went to school. Twas indeed a disagreeable day, but Ebbie came at 3 p.m. to bring me out home. We reached my boarding place, got my turkey and valise and started for home. We got home at dark. Very cold. Well, before we got home Bro. gave me a letter. I opened it with anxious eye. I read anxiously and patiently when I came to these lines "Lillie, Mattie R. knows of our engagement." there I stopped "Did you not tell her?" My heart melted almost as with fire and heat. After she making so many fair promises and reading the letter of proposal by Abner's "whether or not" then betrayed me. Oh, I could only regret that I had ever let her see that one line because it will cause an ill will. The very thought of how true Mattie R. had proved and here now to just betray me in such a way, I cannot bear it. Abb may forsake me but I can not help it. Someday all will be well. I had been writing some time this week on a letter to whom I thought a truthful girl and now I shall bid her farewell forever. I did, too. It almost breaks my heart but I only find that "all is not gold that glitters" Oh, I could almost…Well, wish I could appear before sweet Mattie R. and tell her of that faithful promise. I have cried myself to sleep on the subject. Well, Abb did not seem to care very much, he spoke so kindly and consoling and said I was the only girl he loved but that may be only from his lips. He said not to write until he wrote again so I shall wait patiently to hear again. Did not retire until very late. Prayers and then cried myself to sleep.
December 21, 1895
Went up town and then prepared to start up town accompanied by Susie Price. After we got to town, I lost my school warrant. It seems as though misfortunes smile me squarely in the face but I found my warrant. I find I have many dear friends. I looked across the street and behold, I saw Abner but did not speak to him. I was in quite a hurry. Took dinner at Mrs. Bethune's. Got back home at sunset.
December 22, 1895
Went over to Mrs. Duncan's as Beulah had come home. She is such a dear, sweet girl. Met Miss Horner. She is such a sweet girl, too. Mr. John Duncan came in while there. I met him up town Saturday also. He looked as sweet as pie, of course. In the afternoon when to S.S. then went over to Beulah's awhile. Then after supper went back to singing. Mr. John held the book for us to sing and finally he said "Let's find a seat and talk awhile" Of course, we did. Tis useless to say I enjoyed conversing with one of my old sweethearts. Bro. came back home with me. "Gussie" looked ever so nice tonight. Retired at 11 after writing 3 letters.
December 23, 1895
Sewed very hard all day. Went shopping in the forenoon, also saw "Johnnie" up town. Misses Brymer, Smith, and Knight called. After supper in came Beulah, Miss Horner, Stauch and Barma Sharpe. Everything was "topsy-turvy" in the parlor but in they came. I did not make many apologies but enjoyed their stay very much. After they left Sis and I swept and straightened up the parlor. Then had prayers and retired at 12 o'clock.
December 24, 1895
Xmas eve. All if life and joy in one sense of the word and sad in another. Very busy all the forenoon. Helped to dress the Xmas monument in the afternoon. While busy there two of my pupils - Ethel and Marvin Cason - came. Mr. Beavers was there so I had a few idle moments at my command and talked awhile. We enjoyed the entertainment and tree very much. Thought perhaps Abb might come but no. Then John D. was with another girl but ta ta only fun to me. I can not but feel sad because we never before spent Xmas eve without dear Papa. It almost breaks our hearts to be without him but then God's will be done.
December 25, 1895
Christmas Day again. It does not seem like Xmas at all today. Tis very warm and pleasant. Went up town shopping to purchase a present for Ethel and Marvin. Mattie Smith came at 11 and we went to church. Bro. Duncan preached an excellent sermon. John looked very nice, I must say. Well, no one came home with us for dinner but Mr. Price came over. Mother had an excellent dinner prepared. The table glittered with eatables of all kinds. No. Papa there this time. Papa's usual place was occupied by Mr. Price. After dinner was served, I went out calling. Very cold. and cloudy. How lonely I am! After supper Mr. John Duncan came and escorted me to p.m. Surely I was delighted to be accompanied by an "old sweetheart" When we came back we had quite a chat in the parlor. He left at 10 so I went in Mama's room and participated in the fun they were having. Mrs. Minnie Duncan spent the night with us. Must say had quite a time indeed. Retired at 12. No letter from Abner yet, consequently that accounts for my loneliness to a certain degree.
December 26, 1895
Spent the forenoon at home. Very dull. Thought surely at noon would get a letter but ah me,. only to be disappointed. Went over to chum Beulah's awhile. She went walking with me. Felt left indeed as I did not get off to the singing at Mr. Stiles. I am sick but wrote long letter to cousin Ed and Hiram Jones of Collins. Retired after having prayers. Very lonely. John is sick, too so they have quite a joke on us.
December 27, 1895
Oh, such a beautiful day! The sky is so clear and blue. The sunbeams shine radiantly and pleasantly. In the afternoon went to the Dr. M.S. Came home expecting Beulah and Miss Horner but they only called at the gate. No letter from Abner. I presume I'm left "again" Wrote some. Very, very sick. Scarcely able to write this. John is still very sick they say. Had prayers and retired very early as I was feeling so dilapidated.
December 28, 1895
Sewed some in the forenoon but still sick. At noon sent for the mail. No letter from Abb yet so I could not but shed a few tears of disappointment. Mr. Jim Campbell came so we ate dinner and was sumptuously entertained all the afternoon by Mr. Jim. He told us of his marriage, etc. Tis nice to have so many kind friends. He spoke and encouraged me so much in my everyday affairs.. Rumor says I'm to be married to that "old Gardener" but Jesus being my guide I am not and never will. Luna called later then Miss Beulah and Matt Horner. They spent the night with me. Of course, we had a royal time. Deep in my heart I was thinking of someone else. They told me John was still in town so that pleased me.
December 29, 1895
Such a beautiful forenoon. The girls left immediately after breakfast so I prepared for church. Went to S.S. at the schoolhouse. Mr. John came in while I was there. We went over to church. Rev. Colson delivered an excellent sermon. It thrilled my very soul. Have I done my duty? I am going to make new resolutions this new year which will be recorded on the pages of this diary. This is the last Sabbath of 1895 - gone, yes, gone- things I could have done have been neglected. Oh, I feel my deficiency in many things. Today - more so than ever before in my life. Today I have made one new resolution: That is to do better. Now I have gone to S.S. this eve. Tis now raining and very cold and dreary. I should have gone out to my school, no sir. Jesus I hope will bless me because I have neglected that. I feel that I attend too much business of that kind on Sunday and by the grace of God I'm going to quit now - today. I trust that ere another Sunday I will have formed resolutions that I can keep faithfully. I am so anxious this eve about Abb's soul salvation. He may fool me but Jesus help me to point him to Thee before we part forevermore.
December 30, 1895
We got up early so that I may get back to school in due time. The woods are draped in white because it snowed. Ebbie and I started at daylight. Oh, it was extremely cold. Oh, beautiful forest! As the sun rose from behind the eastern pines, how the icicles and snow glittered. Oh, what lovely scenery. Eb carried me to the schoolhouse. School very small. Had a chill at 3 p.m. Never felt so sad. Cried nearly all the way home. Oh, I feel so very badly. Retired early.
December 31, 1895
Very beautiful day. The zephrys blew furiously on the prairie. Went to school. Not feeling well at all. School increased some today.. Got home at 5 p.m. Never wanted to see Mama any worse. Feeling very bad. This is the last day of 1895. Wish I could be at home and could hear from Abb. It is cold and cloudy now. The sun is slowly setting and the sound of the wind is very mournful. How lonely and sad I feel. Going to read a chapter, eat supper prayers and retire.